This week I bring you a hilarious little crackfic that honestly had me cackling on the public bus at 7:30am. You know it’s good if I’m doing anything besides glaring at the world at 7:30am. I’m a mean little bitch before 10 am, just sayin’.
Sirius Strangelove or: How Harry Learned to Stop Questioning His Family Tree and Trust His Husband by tuesdaymidnight
Okay, as most crackfic’s go, it’s completely OOC right down to the fact that instead of tearing each other's hair out, Hermione and Pansy actually empathize with each other. If you’re a diehard canon fan (and if you are, I can’t imagine that you’re still reading this blog) I don’t suggest this one for you but if you’re looking for a laugh then this one is for you.
From the author: This was originally posted in the HP Crack and Humour Fest on livejournal in response to the following prompt: "'Har, did I ever tell you 'bout the time I took yer auntie ta bed?' Sirius said in slurred voice. The silence was deafening when all the Weasley heads turned to look at him." At Harry's wedding, Sirius over-imbibes and all sorts of secrets come tumbling out. The Twins are taking notes."
Here’s a little taste of the fic…
Harry's hour [of mingling] was almost up when Blaise came over to give him what Harry thought was a congratulatory hug, but Blaise hung onto Harry a little too long, and Harry was pretty sure that wasn't his wand poking him in the waist. When his hands began to drift, Draco was across the room in a flash with his wand out.
Only the loud, echoing sound of a spoon tapping against fine crystal saved Blaise and Harry from Draco's wrath. It seemed Narcissa Malfoy had chosen that exact moment to cast a Sonorous to draw the attention of the guests, stopping the party, and Draco, in their tracks.
"Thank you, honored guests," she said in a regal tone. "I won't take up much of your time. I just wanted to thank you for attending this joyous occasion. Draco, dear, please stop trying to hex the Zabini boy, you used to take baths together when you were little."
A dual snicker was heard from an area of the crowd heavy in red-headed individuals.
"I'm so elated that my son found his soulmate at so young an age, and I'm even more elated that these boys finally decided to make this official. Imagine my shock going into Draco's room during the winter holidays his final year at Hogwarts to find him on his knees in front of a-
"Mother!" Draco interrupted.
"It's not as if everyone in this room hasn't see the two of you being overly affectionate at one time or another," Narcissa snarked back.
The room tittered.
"Regardless, I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. Harry, I couldn't be more thrilled to have you as a part of this family."
Snape's huff was barely audible, but enough that Narcissa shot him a glare before continuing.
One little thing that you should note is that though there is no actual sex in this story, it is discussed and described, oh and…bestiality is implied (though it is done so in a joking manner) so don’t say that I didn’t warn you.
Even if this isn’t your thing, I dare you to try it and if you don’t laugh at the end of it, well it should only be 20 minutes of your life that you’ll never get back and at least you can say that you tried, eh? Exactly. *nods*
As always, if you have any suggestions for stories that should be rec’d on the blog send’em my way via firstname.lastname@example.org !